Here’s a Plan; Let Texas Secede and Make Romney Their President!

Mitt Romney speaks to supporters in Texas
Mitt Romney speaks to supporters in Texas during the 2012 Presidential campaign. Photo: Washington Post


So, I see in recent news that Texas (and apparently Oklahoma?) want to secede from the union.

Again with the southern treason, attempting to break up the union?

So… How about this idea:

Let them.

Allow Texas and Oklahoma to secede. We’ll take back all the stuff, staff and organizations that belong to America:

The EPA, NEA, NASA, CIA, NSA, FBI, US Marshals, Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy, Coast Guard, National Guard, DEA, ATF, The dept of Agriculture, Americore, Amtrak (bet you didn’t know that was a government agency!), the NTSB, the USPS, the dept of Energy, the Army Corp of Engineers, The Weather Service, NOAA, Veterans Affairs, the USGS, US Border Patrol, the SBA, the OMB, the ONDCP, OSHA, the NIH, the NRC, the DOL, the BLM, National Forrest Service, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the offices of HUD, the Federal Bureau of Prisons, The FTC, FCC, FDA, DOE, DHS, DHHS, the DOT, all the other federally created, supported and maintained agencies and offices… and all the property and jobs that go with them.

Oh yeah, and all those assets too! I suppose we could be really nice and sell or lease them to this new nation of Tea-party, Republican, And Independent True Original Romney Supporters (T.R.A.I.T.O.R.S). They can spend the next few hundred years paying off all those roads, bridges, dams, docks, locks, parks, sidewalks, sewer systems, canal systems, power plants, railroads, ports, airports, fencing, lighting, electrical grid, telephone grid, internet connections, fiber optic cable, satellite antennae, radio towers, repeater towers, high voltage power lines, mines, etc etc etc… I mean if we took all that stuff back we’d just be leaving them all to starve and kill each other. Might as well save us the cost of removing all of our stuff and relocating it, and besides, do you know how much that stuff is worth? We could bring in millions in revenue from the interest alone! (And we won’t have to go back in with military and humanitarian aid when they inevitably collapse into chaos if we took all the infrastructure we paid for back from them.)

Oh, and give them Mitt Romney too, I’m sure he’ll win President of T.R.A.I.T.O.R.S. in a landslide victory and could begin helping his benefactors quickly sell off all of their businesses and export all of their manufacturing to China. Such an impoverished and desperate neighbor would make it easy to get super cheap imports. All of T.R.A.I.T.O.R.S. can enjoy their utopia of guns, church and farm work, while we get the cheapest oil, corn, melons, goats, sheep, beef and cotton on the planet! (We’ll have to make sure to maintain a good interest in the Port of Houston so they can’t get their oil on the open market in their navy of canoes and motor boats.)

Of course, there are patriotic Americans in Texas. We would have to grant them amnesty. The cost of assisting them in relocating to the USA would be a drop in the bucket of revenue we’d be getting from the sale or lease of those assets I mentioned. It’s only fair to let the segment of people in Texas who still love their country remain a part of it and not be held captive by the T.R.A.I.T.O.R.S. nation.

So think about it, America. I think we have little to lose and a lot to gain by letting the traitorous among us have their wish, thus boxing them into a corner of farmland and allowing the rest of us to enjoy our great nation, free of some of the least educated but loudest among us.